I'm pretty sure everyone has been in a situation where they like somebody but are afraid to tell them (if you haven't then consider yourself realllllllly lucky!). I tend to find myself in this situation a lot but it has never driven me as crazy as it has been recently. Should I tell him I like him, or not? If I tell him then there's the chance that he won't feel the same way but if I don't tell him and he also doesn't say anything then I'll never know! I have come to realize that these situations are almost unbearably difficult because they force us to choose to face one of two fears: rejection or regret. In most other challenging situations we have the option of facing the problem or stepping away from it, but in this situation, stepping down just forces us to face another problem.
The situation (of course minus the specifics):
I have liked this guy for a looonnnggg time now and unfortunately do not have the ability to read his mind nor can he read mine. It doesn't help that I'm constantly getting mixed signals but I guess it is only fair because I know I do the same thing. My friends (thanks for listening to me attempt to analyze everything with you, i know its annoying) keep telling me that one of us just needs to get the courage to say something but it isn't that easy... it never is. Some of them have even offered to do the talking for me! ha! I've been dealing with the regret for a long time now and I can either decide to continue to deal with it possibly forever, or I can say something. If I say something then I will have to deal with the rejection. The easy thing about rejection is that time heals everything and I could get over it. The good thing about regret is that I am already living with it and while it SUCKS, it won't actually get worse.
SOOOO WHAT DO I DO?! I want to do something but how do I do it?!
I was sharing my view with my friend, Carole, and she wrote:
"(I'm not one to write notes but my motivation behind writing will be more clear after you read it...) I was talking with my friend tonight and we were talking about how decisions can be so hard to make and so easy to scrutinize and how we need other people...she basically summarized everything i've been thinking about these past few months regarding openness, community, fear, overthinking, trust...all that stuff...and she asked a really good question that says it all to me right now: which is worse, rejection or regret? is it better to be open and possibly get hurt, or to clam up and protect yourself, but live with regret?
To summarize what i think is going to be my first written post in the blog, lately i have been learning how crucial it is to be open and honest with people. i feel like i have spent my whole life clammed up and shy and honestly it sucks. It's true that I didn't say many things that I might regret saying, but at the same time I have regretted keeping quiet, if that makes sense.
I guess it's all about trust too, trusting that people will give you grace when you are open and put yourself out there, that they won't misinterpret or judge you but seek to be understanding. and i think it goes the other way around too, that i have to be understanding of people and accept them when they are open with me.
i guess i'm just tired of being silent when inside i'm burning up...haha...wow that sounds so angsty but at any rate i have learned that people are wonderful and life is so much better when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open about your life. i just hope i can find a healthy balance being open but also being wise.
My friend and i both agreed that we are going to start a blog so we can share these thoughts with other people. i'm not sure if i am going start using my xanga again because frankly its a little embarassing haha but i do have my blogspot for my art...we'll see...i'll add the url when i decide."So, help us!
